I think that , actually believe in with all my pencil case accessories, if you ever get caught by the Police (pronounced poleechay so they don’t know we are talking about them!) you should always be prepared with an alibi and a fake name. Your alibi though should always be to call Shaggy…..and heed his wiseness…say it wasn’t you!!

I hope that if you do get caught by the Police (pronounce it right!!) it is for being a cunning trickster that stole laughter from an unsuspecting bunch of vocal chords with your so funny it’s criminal enterprise schtick. Or nicking avocado’s, cos boy are those things decadence on your bank statement.

Currently on sale on my website, that is being occupied by a construction spider, I have the following items you can purchase with your memory (call it three quid):

Ronald McDonald (saver menu, have it for nowt)

Harry Ramsden (if you’re caught for owt fishy)

Frankie Benny (if you do a heist in a mini skirt)

Pete Zahut  (if you nick a load of dough)

Domingo Peetsa (if you nick a load more dough)

Duncan Donuts (if you’re nicking this much dough you deserve to get caught)

Burr Gherkin (if you’re in a pickle)

Ken Tuckyfriedchicken (if you’re chicken shit)

Watch this space for new releases…